you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.” —Martha Beck, best-selling author, life coach and speaker
It has been four years since I retired from teaching full time. Even after all this time, I still struggle with the lack of social interaction and isolation, but I’m working on it.
The high school I taught in was populated with 1500 people; more than many Wyoming towns. It was difficult to find alone time as a teacher. Now, in retirement, it’s just the opposite; lots of alone time. I long for something in between and end the isolation.
When planning my retirement I envisioned spending my time:
- babysitting and hanging out with my grandchildren,
- shopping,
- traveling,
- visiting with friends,
- volunteering,
- writing this blog, and
- working part time.
I pictured babysitting my grandchildren or helping with trips to the zoo or the library for storytime maybe once a week. As it turns out, I may babysit maybe two days a month with little interaction with my favorite people in between. I wish I could spend more time with them making joyous memories, however, that is not reality. To combat this “core level” need of spending time with children and making a difference in their lives, I have become involved in the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) program. Beginning this month, I will be visiting once a week with two children who are temporarily in foster care due to parental neglect.
Shopping is not as satisfying as I had hoped. Mostly I mowsie around antique or junk stores shopping alone just to pass the time. Living on a mostly fixed income makes splurging almost impossible; so does being frugal. I enjoy buying items for my daughter and her family, but they don’t really have room or a need for more toys, clothes, etc. I have changed my shopping habits to a “core level” of shopping with a purpose, not just to pass the time. This new habit has brought some of the satisfaction back.
I have always loved to travel. Exploring what’s around the corner thrills me. All of the retirement websites show happy couples traveling and exploring together. But what if you’re not married or you’re a widow in retirement? Traveling solo is something I am fearful of. Some of my friends travel on tours. That might be the ticket to help boost my confidence. I hope to use some of my 401(k) retirement account for this indulgence in the future and overcome my fear. My “core level” of curiosity and thrills would benefit greatly if I did.
When I worked full time, I had lunch or went to happy hour with colleagues quite often. In retirement, neither of those activities happen with former colleagues. I don’t live in the town where I worked so I seldom see the wonderful people I worked with and some of them have moved out of the area. Unfortunately, two of my close friends (not colleagues) passed away in 2017. Making new friends has been a bit difficult but joining a Bible study at my church and a book club at the city senior center have provided for my “core level” of the need for close friends and intelligent conversations.
Volunteering so far has had its ups and downs. As president of our community self-managed HOA the past two plus years, I have had many negative interactions with others but I have also met many new people. This volunteer position has been time consuming and tedious. Some of the relationships I have encountered through this work have been critical and judgmental. While I believe the work has made a difference in the community, I am looking forward to giving up the three-year position on the board at the end of this year. I believe my service as a CASA volunteer will serve my “core level” of giving to others and making a difference in a more positive way.
The many hours I have put in as HOA president has put a big dent in my time with researching and writing this blog. Writing is a solo venture but I recently joined the local writer’s group which should help my “core level” of networking with other writers, motivation and more social interaction.
Lastly, working part time as a substitute teacher has provided a bit of social interaction for me but there is little relationship building happening. As a substitute I provide a service and receive payment for it. The service enhances my “core level” need to be with others and the payment I receive helps me pay my taxes. In that sense it is a win, win situation for me.
We’ve all read articles about loneliness being a part of aging. Retirement has brought some loneliness to my life but I am determined to find safe, warm relationships in which my emotional needs will be accepted and respected. It will mean some risk taking on my part, but I believe it will be worth it. As Martha said, ” you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.”
Have you dealt with isolation or loneliness in retirement? If so, drop me a note to my email livingliferetired16@gmail.com and tell me how you ended your isolation.