For years I considered buying a fixer upper in Iowa while also being present for my elderly mother. She was in a nursing home. I’d say she was living in a nursing home, but she was far from “living” there.
In 2024, I filed for conservatorship after a fall left my Mom badly bruised. No family member stepped up to speak on my behalf or my Mom’s during the hearing.
After losing the court case, I came back to feeling like I needed to be present for my Mom. That’s where the decision to purchase the little house in Newton, Iowa originated.
I put a contract on the vacant little house, that needed more than a little TLC, sight unseen. After nervously packing up the car with what I thought I would need, I drove ten hours to see it for myself.
Oh my, had I made a mistake? It was worse than I imagined, but I was determined to take it on while also being present for my Mom. Little did I know at the time, my Mom’s health had taken a turn, and not for the better. While negotiating the terms of the purchase agreement for what turned out to be a foreclosure, I was able to spend time with my Mom. I was able to care for and love her during what turned out to be her final days.
Sadly, Mom passed away the same day as the closing on the little house in Iowa. Now what?
My friends and family members could not believe it, nor could I. After taking some time to grieve, I got to work.
Over the past 18 months, I drove to Iowa six times and flew once. I worked each time until my body nearly gave out. A couple of times I could hardly get in the car to leave because my body hurt so much. I would drive back home, try to recoup and then do it all again.
During some of my visits after my Mom’s passing, I was able to be present with my oldest sister, Susie. She and I enjoyed thrift shopping, several meals, Easter church service, and even a short gambling trip. In December of 2025, my dear sister passed away very unexpectantly. I lost my Mom in February and then Susie in December.
With the loss of my two closest family members, I did what I could to get my little house on the market. My nephew Shawn installed new kitchen cabinets, countertops and a dishwasher. I hired an electrician, a plumber and some great floor guys to assist me as well.
Initially I thought my Iowa project would take 2-3 years, but after just 18 months, a new buyer moved in August.
I have been asked a few times if I have any regrets about the conservatorship or buying the house. Regrets, no. Was it a burden? Yes, indeed. But I can say being present during my Mom’s final days and spending memorable times with Susie made it worth it.
God had a plan and I am so glad I had the courage to follow it. It was a journey of love, heartache, perseverance, loss and determination, but mostly faith.
Thank you to all who supported and prayed for me throughout. By the grace of God I made it through. I am grateful for the lessons I learned along the way.
I sat in a white chair that resembled a dental chair at Picosa Ink. A friend was with me as I was about to get my first tattoo one month before my 65th birthday, July 2024. I modified a design I found so it spelled out the names of my three grandchildren with a heart between each name. Topped off with two hearts symbolizing their two birthstone colors, garnet and sapphire. The tattoo symbolized my precious grandchildren and the tremendous love I have for them entering into my crazy 65th year.
Overseas Solo Travel
Being estranged from one’s only child created a lonely situation I never thought I would experience. On a crazy whim to help with the healing process, I booked my first solo overseas trip to the south of France called Provence. Smithsonian Journeys was the trip organizer. I spent 21 days living and traveling throughout Provence last fall. It was a life long dream to travel to this area of France. I had been to Paris but this was really special due to it being a more rural area. The adventure lived up to my expectations and certainly eased some of my personal heartbreak.
Once back from my trip, I took on the crazy task of applying for guardianship of my 91-year-old mother. Several issues kept me from doing so sooner. One, she asked her employer years ago to be her durable power of attorney. Second, I didn’t live in the same state she did. Third, most of my six siblings did not support my decision to seek guardianship. And, fourth, I did not know how much it would cost.
I plunged head on with my crazy decision anyway by first petitioning the court for guardianship upon which they requested I obtain an attorney to represent my mother. After making almost a dozen calls and being turned down just as many times, I was able to secure legal representation for my mom. Mom agreed to have me become her guardian. Because I would be paying for her attorney, I decided to forego one to represent me due to the expense.
After all the legal dealings, nasty notes from siblings and a court hearing by zoom, I lost my attempt to become my mom’s guardian. I felt I let her down as well as my dad who had asked me before his passing to “take care of mom.”
Home in Iowa
So now what? What if I bought a home in Iowa that I could fix up? One I could stay in for weeks at a time and spend more time with my mom during her final years? Crazy, right?
I put a contract on a home in Newton, Iowa sight unseen except for the pictures on the internet and a late night visit by my realtor. Just before closing on the house I drove to Iowa to see the house and to visit my mom. The house needed a lot of work but that was why I could afford it.
Mom and I had a good day together at her nursing home during my visit. She had lived there for 5-1/2 years. A nursing home is not a place I would want my worst enemy to live.
Days later I visited her again. It was obvious to me she had taken a turn for the worse. I let my siblings know and then I spent many hours with her over the next three days while she lay in her hospital bed without a word of conversation. I played beautiful instrumental hymns on my phone to drown out her roommate’s television. Mom stopped eating except for a little pudding and applesauce I hand fed to her. I read cards she had received over the years which I found in her nightstand. I read to her from the Bible, 1 Peter, Chapters 1-3. The verses were about God’s promise of hope and a life after death with God. She had a strong faith.
My 91-year-old mother of seven children, 11 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren died on February 4th. I was on my way back to Colorado that day after closing on the house in Newton in the morning. Now, I had a house in Iowa but my mom was no longer there to visit. Just crazy.
Obituary
I have long believed everyone should have a free obituary in the local newspaper because every soul matters, but my mom did not want an obituary or a funeral. So, I began gathering information and writing an obituary to honor mom. Again, some of my siblings did not agree with my decision. I did it anyway. Glad I could bring honor to my mom and the memories we all had with her. I do not regret my decision.
Bathroom Remodel
My crazy dream of a black and white bathroom came to fruition during my 65th year. During the previous year, I gathered the materials I needed to create my European inspired bathroom. While volunteering at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, I found a $70 dresser I restored into a bathroom vanity. A friend of mine who is a gifted contractor put all the gather bathroom materials together for me and created a work of art. I love it!
Attempted Firing
One of the craziest things that happened during my 65th year was one of my family members tried to get me fired from my substitute teaching position. He emailed the principal on two separate occasions and I was literally “called in to the principal’s office.” Nothing came of the emails because the school saw no need for concern.
Social Security Windfall
Checking my online banking account in May of this year, I noticed a large deposit from Social Security (SS). It was the “backpay” amount I would have received if it wasn’t withheld due to me having a state pension fund. As a public school teacher, I and the district, paid into the state fund and not SS during my tenure. However, I worked for almost 20 years and contributed to SS before becoming a teacher. When I turned 65 I applied for SS but I was penalized and would not receive my full SS benefit.
Well, as of January 1 of this year, those of us who had enough SS credits but were penalized because of also having a state pension fund, would no longer be penalized and would receive this “backpay.” We would also receive the full SS retirement amount we were entitled to going forward. What a crazy good surprise!
Iowa House Remodel
That brings me full circle to July 2025, where I am now sitting at a table in the Newton, Iowa public library writing this post. I don’t have Internet at my home here, nor do I have cable tv, a working refrigerator or a stove. I buy ice every two days for my Coleman cooler to keep a few things cold. My one burner holds the tea pot I use every morning for tea. I did finally splurge and by a cheap $65 microwave at Walmart for an occasional frozen dinner.
My days have been full of scraping, power washing, priming and painting the exterior of the house, demolishing and rebuilding the large deck, putting up blinds, cleaning and painting the interior walls, removing kitchen cabinets and the non-working stove, mowing the large lawn, pulling weeds, taking things to the landfill, donating items to the thrift stores, buying materials, working with contractors, and trying not to go crazy. Or, should I say not to go crazier.
During my 65th year, I drove a crazy eleven hours one way to Iowa from Colorado three times and back again with my cat in tow. I was blessed to be in Iowa with my mom during her last days and more recently to scatter her ashes among the wild flowers on the farm where we all grew up. Spending time with several family members was also a real treat. I even attended my first Indy Car race at the Iowa Speedway during my last Iowa visit.
Luckily, I will be 66 years old soon and I can hopefully put an end to this crazy stage in my life soon.
“Honor your father and mother”–this is the first commandment with a promise–“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3 (NIV)
Many of us, including me, grew up learning this commandment but some of us are not following it this Mother’s Day. Remember, yesterday is gone and today is a new day. Maybe it’s time to change that narrative and count your blessings this Mother’s Day.
This is the first Mother’s Day for me I will celebrate without my mom in my life. She passed away in February this year. My only child will not be celebrating with me as we are estranged.
On holidays, like Mother’s Day, I honor and give thanks for the young women I know who are wonderful moms. I also acknowledge that I honored my mom while she was alive and now in death. I remember being a loving and caring mother to my daughter and still am a loving and doting grandmother to her three beautiful children when I see them at public events.
Even though I won’t be spending time with my mom, daughter and my young friends physically this Mother’s Day, I will be emotionally, counting them as blessings. Happy Mother’s Day!
It is week two of my solo adventure in France. I have learned a lot about myself and group travel. As some of you know, I have lived alone for 20 years and have been retired for nine. I am pretty independent to say the least. So, having to decide whether to travel alone or with a group tour was the question. For my first overseas solo adventure, I planned to go with a group tour.
Pros of group travel
Someone else is in charge of the arrangements. All you have to do is pay and show up.
You pay one up front cost usually.
Someone picks you up at the airport usually making transfers easy.
You have a ready group of people to hang out with.
A tour guide or director handles any issues that come up.
Transportation is,or can be, arranged for you.
Dining out experiences may have more variety as others may pick somewhere you would never select on your own.
Typically your guides are local so they know the area well.
Groups help you feel safe upon arrival. We have 20 people in our tour group, six couples, four widows, two single ladies, and two married ladies who are traveling without their husbands. We are 55+ with the oldest being 95!
For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of renting a villa in the south of France, Provence, for a month and live like the locals. Eating fresh fruits, vegetables and fish, seasoned with the best spices. While I did not rent a villa, I am living in Provence, France for three weeks for my solo travel adventure abroad. After one week, I can tell you it is living up to my dream.
Fountaine de la Rotonde, Aix-en-Provece (Photo by slc)
I booked a tour with Smithsonian Journeys back in January so I could be in France on my 65th birthday in August. That tour was cancelled due to lack of participation so here I am in September. I booked my own flights and flew solo from Colorado to France via Chicago and London. Our tour driver picked up six of us travelers outside of the baggage claim in the Marseille, France airport.
Roussillon, France (Photo by slc)
So far, the architecture, history lessons and the food are superb. The hilltop villages in the Luberon region have been my favorites so far, with Arles close behind. On Sunday, we will visit Avignon for more history lessons and many photos.
One of the primary reasons I chose Smithsonian Journeys is we stay in one place in Aix-de-Provence. I unpacked once and live in a city apartment for my entire stay. Options for further excursions exist: culinary, art and cultural, and French language tracks. I chose the art and cultural track.
This tour also allows for five or six days on your own. These days are a nice break from the group travel. While I meet up with the group for excursions and some meals, I have plenty of small group or alone time. It is our choice whether to join in on the group activities or go it alone.
As the famous author Peter Mayle wrote in Toujours Provence, “There are no regrets, few complaints, many pleasures.”
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Checked out books from the public library to see what sites I wanted to visit besides Yellowstone and the Tetons on my travels to Wyoming and Idaho.
Came up with the route which connected these sites and sent travel plans with a map (see above) to my oldest sister in case of an emergency.
Researched weather patterns as to best time to travel with few tourists traveling the same route. Settled on end of September and beginning of October, 2023.
As this was mostly a hiking and photography trip, I selected clothing, shoes and camera accessories accordingly.
Took my small dog, Goldi, to vet for immunizations so she could be boarded during my travel.
Decided to pack most of my clothing and shoes in a bag I would not take in to hotels. I would just take things from that bag daily and put dirty clothes in a separate laundry bag I left in the car.
Made sure my vehicle was ready for the road trip and my mail held.
At least a month before leaving on my solo trip, I reserved all of the hotel rooms so I didn’t have to worry about where I would lay my head each night.
Packed luggage, pillow, satellite phone, some snacks, drinks and some wine.
Acquired a new credit card (Marriott Bonvoy Bold from Chase) to rack up travel points for future travel.
Grasshoppers – Day 1 – Drove from Greeley, CO to Rock Springs, WY (332 miles)
Dropped off Goldi (my dog) for boarding in Eaton, CO ($30/day)
Stopped in Larimie, WY for thrift store shopping ($0) and lunch at the Prairie Rose Cafe ($14)
