For years I considered buying a fixer upper in Iowa while also being present for my elderly mother. She was in a nursing home. I’d say she was living in a nursing home, but she was far from “living” there.
In 2024, I filed for conservatorship after a fall left my Mom badly bruised. No family member stepped up to speak on my behalf or my Mom’s during the hearing.
After losing the court case, I came back to feeling like I needed to be present for my Mom. That’s where the decision to purchase the little house in Newton, Iowa originated.
I put a contract on the vacant little house, that needed more than a little TLC, sight unseen. After nervously packing up the car with what I thought I would need, I drove ten hours to see it for myself.
Oh my, had I made a mistake? It was worse than I imagined, but I was determined to take it on while also being present for my Mom. Little did I know at the time, my Mom’s health had taken a turn, and not for the better. While negotiating the terms of the purchase agreement for what turned out to be a foreclosure, I was able to spend time with my Mom. I was able to care for and love her during what turned out to be her final days.
Sadly, Mom passed away the same day as the closing on the little house in Iowa. Now what?
My friends and family members could not believe it, nor could I. After taking some time to grieve, I got to work.
Over the past 18 months, I drove to Iowa six times and flew once. I worked each time until my body nearly gave out. A couple of times I could hardly get in the car to leave because my body hurt so much. I would drive back home, try to recoup and then do it all again.
During some of my visits after my Mom’s passing, I was able to be present with my oldest sister, Susie. She and I enjoyed thrift shopping, several meals, Easter church service, and even a short gambling trip. In December of 2025, my dear sister passed away very unexpectantly. I lost my Mom in February and then Susie in December.
With the loss of my two closest family members, I did what I could to get my little house on the market. My nephew Shawn installed new kitchen cabinets, countertops and a dishwasher. I hired an electrician, a plumber and some great floor guys to assist me as well.
Initially I thought my Iowa project would take 2-3 years, but after just 18 months, a new buyer moved in August.
I have been asked a few times if I have any regrets about the conservatorship or buying the house. Regrets, no. Was it a burden? Yes, indeed. But I can say being present during my Mom’s final days and spending memorable times with Susie made it worth it.
God had a plan and I am so glad I had the courage to follow it. It was a journey of love, heartache, perseverance, loss and determination, but mostly faith.
Thank you to all who supported and prayed for me throughout. By the grace of God I made it through. I am grateful for the lessons I learned along the way.
I sat in a white chair that resembled a dental chair at Picosa Ink. A friend was with me as I was about to get my first tattoo one month before my 65th birthday, July 2024. I modified a design I found so it spelled out the names of my three grandchildren with a heart between each name. Topped off with two hearts symbolizing their two birthstone colors, garnet and sapphire. The tattoo symbolized my precious grandchildren and the tremendous love I have for them entering into my crazy 65th year.
Overseas Solo Travel
Being estranged from one’s only child created a lonely situation I never thought I would experience. On a crazy whim to help with the healing process, I booked my first solo overseas trip to the south of France called Provence. Smithsonian Journeys was the trip organizer. I spent 21 days living and traveling throughout Provence last fall. It was a life long dream to travel to this area of France. I had been to Paris but this was really special due to it being a more rural area. The adventure lived up to my expectations and certainly eased some of my personal heartbreak.
Once back from my trip, I took on the crazy task of applying for guardianship of my 91-year-old mother. Several issues kept me from doing so sooner. One, she asked her employer years ago to be her durable power of attorney. Second, I didn’t live in the same state she did. Third, most of my six siblings did not support my decision to seek guardianship. And, fourth, I did not know how much it would cost.
I plunged head on with my crazy decision anyway by first petitioning the court for guardianship upon which they requested I obtain an attorney to represent my mother. After making almost a dozen calls and being turned down just as many times, I was able to secure legal representation for my mom. Mom agreed to have me become her guardian. Because I would be paying for her attorney, I decided to forego one to represent me due to the expense.
After all the legal dealings, nasty notes from siblings and a court hearing by zoom, I lost my attempt to become my mom’s guardian. I felt I let her down as well as my dad who had asked me before his passing to “take care of mom.”
Home in Iowa
So now what? What if I bought a home in Iowa that I could fix up? One I could stay in for weeks at a time and spend more time with my mom during her final years? Crazy, right?
I put a contract on a home in Newton, Iowa sight unseen except for the pictures on the internet and a late night visit by my realtor. Just before closing on the house I drove to Iowa to see the house and to visit my mom. The house needed a lot of work but that was why I could afford it.
Mom and I had a good day together at her nursing home during my visit. She had lived there for 5-1/2 years. A nursing home is not a place I would want my worst enemy to live.
Days later I visited her again. It was obvious to me she had taken a turn for the worse. I let my siblings know and then I spent many hours with her over the next three days while she lay in her hospital bed without a word of conversation. I played beautiful instrumental hymns on my phone to drown out her roommate’s television. Mom stopped eating except for a little pudding and applesauce I hand fed to her. I read cards she had received over the years which I found in her nightstand. I read to her from the Bible, 1 Peter, Chapters 1-3. The verses were about God’s promise of hope and a life after death with God. She had a strong faith.
My 91-year-old mother of seven children, 11 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren died on February 4th. I was on my way back to Colorado that day after closing on the house in Newton in the morning. Now, I had a house in Iowa but my mom was no longer there to visit. Just crazy.
Obituary
I have long believed everyone should have a free obituary in the local newspaper because every soul matters, but my mom did not want an obituary or a funeral. So, I began gathering information and writing an obituary to honor mom. Again, some of my siblings did not agree with my decision. I did it anyway. Glad I could bring honor to my mom and the memories we all had with her. I do not regret my decision.
Bathroom Remodel
My crazy dream of a black and white bathroom came to fruition during my 65th year. During the previous year, I gathered the materials I needed to create my European inspired bathroom. While volunteering at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, I found a $70 dresser I restored into a bathroom vanity. A friend of mine who is a gifted contractor put all the gather bathroom materials together for me and created a work of art. I love it!
Attempted Firing
One of the craziest things that happened during my 65th year was one of my family members tried to get me fired from my substitute teaching position. He emailed the principal on two separate occasions and I was literally “called in to the principal’s office.” Nothing came of the emails because the school saw no need for concern.
Social Security Windfall
Checking my online banking account in May of this year, I noticed a large deposit from Social Security (SS). It was the “backpay” amount I would have received if it wasn’t withheld due to me having a state pension fund. As a public school teacher, I and the district, paid into the state fund and not SS during my tenure. However, I worked for almost 20 years and contributed to SS before becoming a teacher. When I turned 65 I applied for SS but I was penalized and would not receive my full SS benefit.
Well, as of January 1 of this year, those of us who had enough SS credits but were penalized because of also having a state pension fund, would no longer be penalized and would receive this “backpay.” We would also receive the full SS retirement amount we were entitled to going forward. What a crazy good surprise!
Iowa House Remodel
That brings me full circle to July 2025, where I am now sitting at a table in the Newton, Iowa public library writing this post. I don’t have Internet at my home here, nor do I have cable tv, a working refrigerator or a stove. I buy ice every two days for my Coleman cooler to keep a few things cold. My one burner holds the tea pot I use every morning for tea. I did finally splurge and by a cheap $65 microwave at Walmart for an occasional frozen dinner.
My days have been full of scraping, power washing, priming and painting the exterior of the house, demolishing and rebuilding the large deck, putting up blinds, cleaning and painting the interior walls, removing kitchen cabinets and the non-working stove, mowing the large lawn, pulling weeds, taking things to the landfill, donating items to the thrift stores, buying materials, working with contractors, and trying not to go crazy. Or, should I say not to go crazier.
During my 65th year, I drove a crazy eleven hours one way to Iowa from Colorado three times and back again with my cat in tow. I was blessed to be in Iowa with my mom during her last days and more recently to scatter her ashes among the wild flowers on the farm where we all grew up. Spending time with several family members was also a real treat. I even attended my first Indy Car race at the Iowa Speedway during my last Iowa visit.
Luckily, I will be 66 years old soon and I can hopefully put an end to this crazy stage in my life soon.
“Honor your father and mother”–this is the first commandment with a promise–“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3 (NIV)
Many of us, including me, grew up learning this commandment but some of us are not following it this Mother’s Day. Remember, yesterday is gone and today is a new day. Maybe it’s time to change that narrative and count your blessings this Mother’s Day.
This is the first Mother’s Day for me I will celebrate without my mom in my life. She passed away in February this year. My only child will not be celebrating with me as we are estranged.
On holidays, like Mother’s Day, I honor and give thanks for the young women I know who are wonderful moms. I also acknowledge that I honored my mom while she was alive and now in death. I remember being a loving and caring mother to my daughter and still am a loving and doting grandmother to her three beautiful children when I see them at public events.
Even though I won’t be spending time with my mom, daughter and my young friends physically this Mother’s Day, I will be emotionally, counting them as blessings. Happy Mother’s Day!
Planning for the future can seem impossible when facing so many unknown variables. From wondering if or when you or a loved one will need caregiving to worrying about affording long-term care, many people find themselves overwhelmed and afraid of the burden these uncertainties may create. By planning for the future, you can protect yourself, your spouse and other loved ones – especially if the plan is written into legally binding documents that guide caregivers and family members when navigating difficult situations and making tough choices about medical care and finances.
According to the Administration for Community Living, there is a 69% chance of seniors over the age of 65 needing long-term care, whether at home, in assisted living or in a nursing home. Seniors transferring into long-term care may qualify for government assistance, and planning can help retain assets for a spouse or loved one. Resources also exist to provide financial assistance for paid family caregiving in many states.
An elder care attorney can be an invaluable resource while planning and will guide you and your loved ones through the laws to protect and preserve a senior’s legal rights. Finding good legal assistance can be difficult, but the information in this guide can help you understand when to speak to an elder care attorney, how they can help and how to choose the right one.
Remember making a batch of yummy Christmas cookies and memories with your children or grandchildren? Flour was everywhere, as was the laughter and the fun. Today, Christmas Eve, I am baking pumpkin cookies by myself and remembering past family times full of love.
A little over a year ago, close family members became distant and decided they don’t want a relationship with me any more for a variety of reasons. I’m still not really clear what would make them take such drastic and hurtful measures, but I am trying to “radically accept” the situation.
I have fond memories of baking with my daughter when she was growing up. She loved it and she has passed on that love of baking to her daughter. I also have fond memories of my three grandchildren being at my home with their Mom two years ago for Christmas. I tried playing Jingle Bells on the piano with both hands, we made personal pizzas, my granddaughter baked her first cheesecake with the assistance from my daughter, we read the Christmas story from the Bible and opened gifts. We made great memories that day for me to look back on now .
Many of us solo retirees spend the holidays alone for a variety of reasons, loss of family members being one of them. Traditions may be lost, but memories remain. The love remains.
Why am I making pumpkin cookies on Christmas Eve? During one of their last visits to my home, I made pumpkin cookies with my grandchildren. Today, I will enjoy making them alone while thinking of past good memories and hope for making many more in the future.
How about making Christmas cookies and enjoying past memories along with me today if you are also alone? We’ll celebrate together! Thanks for reading.
I retired at age 55 thinking my 20 year pension would be enough to cover my pre-Medicare healthcare premiums and other expenses until I reached age 65. I was wrong.
abc12.com (click image for link to article)
Retiring early has been great, but the expenses due to inflation have increased dramatically. So, thinking about retiring early? Think again.
Like every fall during open enrollment, I recently analyzed my healthcare plan and was shocked to learn my monthly premium was going up again. Inflation is really taking a bite out of my pension, but there is a silver lining.
The following chart shows the erosion that pre-Medicare healthcare premiums have had on my pension over the years.
I love being in the mountains. Almost six years ago, I purchased a small property just outside of Estes Park in Colorado. I visit “my side of the mountain” several times during the winter just to make sure it’s still there. Luckily, it is. Today, I am writing from my picnic table with my little dog, Goldi, beside me. It’s about 50 degrees with a light breeze; beautiful up here. I’m also taking inventory of what I need to, or want to, get done up here this summer besides a she shed spring spruce up.
Last year, I built a stone fire pit area, put up a rain gutter, repaired the road which runs through my property, split wood, put up lots of tongue and groove pine on the interior of the shed, put up a little garden fence, and partially furnishing my she shed.
I’ve already started my annual raking of the pine cones and needles and doing a little road repair. I discovered if I put pine cones and needles in the mud puddles it helps to dry them up and make the road easier to navigate. My neighbors who live on the mountain year round make the ruts on my property but don’t help to keep it maintained. We have a community road service guy but he hasn’t been out yet.
This spring I hope to plant some wild flowers and hope the deer and elk don’t eat them all. I’ve been preparing a flower bed so the deer can find them easily.
A deck is in the plan this summer. County code does not allowed me to attach it to my shed. I would also like to reroof the old cabin, reside one side and put in a sliding glass door. I may also see about leveling it as it has a rotten sill on the north side.
This summer, I am most looking forward to coming up here more often. Writing, hiking, and staying overnight for a few days at a time. I may have to add fixing the slats on my antique bed so I don’t fall through during the night like last year. I can’t wait! Mountain living is the life for me after my she shed spring spruce up.
