In Loving Memory
Fredrick Dean Howard
October 10, 1957 – May 12, 2017
What do I do with this tremendous sense of loss? Last week, I learned through a Facebook message from a “non-friend” that Fred, a good friend and former significant other, was killed in a terrible motorcycle accident on May 12th not far from my home. The local paper reported the accident but did not name the rider and no follow-up story was done. The “non-friend” sent me the message on May 18th but it didn’t show up in my Facebook Messenger folder until June 8th. I am grateful to her for trying to contact me and we have since spoken.
The celebration of life service already took place. Family and friends gathered that day in May and offered shoulders to cry on and shared many memories. But I didn’t know about it. My friend was cremated so I don’t have a grave site to visit. An obituary wasn’t written. Why not? Since I get the daily local paper, I would have seen the obituary and could have grieved with his other friends and his family. Now?
Yes, obituaries cost money but they are necessary to allow people who may not be in the current circle of friends to not only be notified of the death but also of the services to pay tribute to the deceased and his family. A card to my friend’s grown children and sister just feels so impersonal, but what else can I do as they all live out-of-state?
Last year when I started my estate planning, I wrote a very rough draft of my future obituary. I didn’t want my daughter to have to bear that burden alone one day when I pass. When my father-in-law passed 25 years ago, I remember the awful feeling of sitting with the funeral director going over the particulars for his obituary. Now, after this tragic death, I feel it is even more important to write your own obituary or at least put down some key information for your loved ones to include. It just might save someone the pain of finding out about your passing a month later and having to deal with the loss alone.