Nursing home phones keep families connected

Alexander Graham Bell’s dream was for there to be a telephone in every major city. My dream is one day there will be nursing home phones or a similar device in every resident’s room so families can stay connected.

Monta Fleming wrote in her blog post, The Importance of the Phone for the Elderly, “Reliable communication is such a common, ordinary thing that we do not even think about it anymore. The invention of the telephone by Alexander Graham Bell in 1876 revolutionized the way we think about communication. Now, today, we have cell phones and email as well as landlines. But, to many of the elderly, a phone is their only source of communication with the outside world.” This is the case with my Mom who is currently in a nursing home under hospice care.

After Mom entered the nursing home for skilled nursing care on May 17th, I learned she did not have access to a phone in her shared room. Something I did not even consider when I toured the facility and three others. I have since learned that by federal law, nursing home residents have certain rights; one of them is the use of a telephone.

Reasonable access

The lawful source of these rights is the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR), Title 42-Public Health, Part 485, Requirements for States and Long-Term-Care Facilities.  Section 483.10 reads: “The resident has the right to have reasonable access to the use of a telephone, including TTY and TDD services, and a place in the facility where calls can be made without being overheard. This includes the right to retain and use a cellular phone at the resident’s own expense.” And, “The facility must protect and facilitate that resident’s right to communicate with individuals and entities within and external to the facility, including reasonable access to: (i) A telephone, including TTY and TDD services.”

I wanted my Mom to have a few days to settle into her new home and routine before I called the nursing home on May 21st to speak with her. Mary told me she would take the facility’s mobile phone to Mom’s room. I did not know this was the process of how I would get to speak with Mom. She said if Mom had a cell phone I could call her directly. Then I was told that Mom was about asleep and to call another day. Since I could not speak with her, I asked Mary how Mom was doing. She said she was “doing ok.” Mom had stood three times during therapy and she was coming out of her room for meals. That was it. That’s all I was told. I was disappointed and worried to say the least.

On May 27th I called the nurses station four times with no answer and no way to communicate with Mom. Not having accessible nursing home phones was becoming a real problem.

On May 28th I called again. This time the staff would not tell me anything. She said I did not have permission. I explained I was listed on the admissions form as a contact but she would not look it up. She responded Mom was “doing the same.” She said she would see if Mom would call me in the morning or someone else. She finished the call by saying, “She’s resting,” and hung up. I did not receive a call from anyone the next day.

It was almost two weeks before I actually spoke with my Mom on June 1. Leo answered the facility’s phone on the second ring but said he did not know how to transfer the call because he was new. Finally he transferred the call and I was on the phone with Mom. Unfortunately, she had nothing good to say. Her right leg was causing a lot of pain so she stopped the skilled nursing therapy. She said, “They don’t do anything.” Saying the staff told her, “This is what you asked for.” She said she responded by saying, “If you’re going to kill me, kill me another way.” She also told me, “They are starving me.” Reportedly she was now laying flat on her back to reduce swelling and she kept saying, “It’s bad.” At one point she even stated that her non-family personal representatives “were brainwashed” by the nursing home.

We talked for over an hour. I was thankful for our visit and I took notes on our conversation. I concluded that Mom’s world had spiraled out of control. She was unhappy, possibly drugged into confusion and was no longer in charge of her care. Fearing for her well-being and being 825 miles away, I began to research cell phones for seniors.

Fixing communication problem

Mom had never used a cell phone and did not even have long distance service on her home’s landland. I always called her and had done so about every two weeks for the past seven months. “A typical cell phone nowadays is a complex device, capable of lots of functions. The screen is small and so are the buttons, which make it difficult for an elderly person to see and use. The smart phones with larger screens are so complex that they cannot figure out how to unlock them, never mind using them,” Monta Fleming wrote in her blog. Would a cell phone fix my communication problem with my Mom? It was worth a try. I wanted to talk with her and I had nothing to lose.

So I purchased a Tracfone from Target for $9.99, then purchased 200 minutes on the internet for about $40 and I programmed it so Mom could call me, her personal representative or her former neighbor who was taking care of her yard, etc. I even added a beautiful picture from my Colorado cabin for the background, instead of the ocean scene it came with. With a Sharpie, I wrote her name on it and the charger, I charged it and mailed it off to her at the nursing home.

I called the phone twice on June 14th with no answer. But on June 15th at 12:49 p.m. my Mom called me! Wouldn’t you know, my phone was charging so I missed the call! Seeing she had called but did not leave a message, I called her back immediately at 1:12 p.m. and we spoke for about five minutes. She was panicked and said I, “Should call (her personal representative) and the police right away.” It was disheartening to say the least.

That call and most of the others I received on the Tracfone, were increasingly panic ridden and confusing. Mom did not know where she was and she begged for my help. I calmed her down by reassuring her I would get her help and reminded her she was at a nursing home.

Ability to reach out

Without the cell phone Mom would not have been able to reach out. She is not one to ask the staff for a phone or, heaven forbid, make a long distance call. The cell phone was her life line in a way and, ultimately, her right.

Julyne Derrick, writer of Senior Living Blog, says, “Smartphone use among seniors is growing every year, but it varies substantially by age: 59% of 65- to 69-year-olds have smartphones. But that drops off as seniors get older. Only 31% of 75- to 79-year-olds use them, according to the Pew Research Center.”

If your loved one does not have a cell phone or know how to use one, you might add it to the birthday or Christmas gift list this year. Knowing how to use one could be your best or only communication device when your loved one is in the hospital or other nursing facility, especially if you live 825 miles away like I do. And hopefully, one day, nursing home phones will be in every resident’s room in America to keep families connected. It would make Alexander Graham Bell proud.

Update: I originally wrote the above blog post on June 22, 2019. Since then communicating with my Mom has become increasingly difficult. Her cell phone was not routinely charged and the last time I talked to Mom on it was July 4th for about 5-1/2 minutes. After that date, when I called, the Tracfone was never answered and Mom did not call me. The service expired in September with many unused minutes. I did not renew it.

December, 2020 Note: Please read 85 Days of Hope for info on how I was able to get Zoom calls with my Mom In June. Also, if you would like to contact me for advice or just someone to listen please email me at livingliferetired16@gmail.com. Please take care and don’t lose hope.